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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27880801">The Past Doesn't Reflect the Future</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearMichaelSanders51/pseuds/DearMichaelSanders51'>DearMichaelSanders51</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Being an Idiot, Deaf Character, Disney Movies, Domestic Fluff, Dorms, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Parents Dr. Emile Picani and Sleep | Remy Sanders, Sharing a Bed, Sleepovers, Snow and Ice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:14:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27880801</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearMichaelSanders51/pseuds/DearMichaelSanders51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Virgil Sanders has had poor relationships in the past. Logan knows this. Maybe that's why it takes so long for Virgil to realize he loves Logan, and of course it's in front of his brother.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Dr. Emile Picani, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Dr. Emile Picani, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani &amp; Sleep | Remy Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders &amp; Dr. Emile Picani, Logic | Logan Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders &amp; Dr. Emile Picani</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Past Doesn't Reflect the Future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Breathe in,<br/>
Breathe out,<br/>
Repeat.</p><p>Breath in,<br/>
Breathe out,<br/>
Repeat.</p><p>Breath in,<br/>
Breathe out,<br/>
Repeat.</p><p>Breathe i-</p><p>“Virgil? I brought back groceries, do you need me to...” Logan looked at the sight in front of him. Virgil was sprawled across the floor with his feet on his shoulders. He looked to the side of Virgil, a book covered in leather, full of anxiety relieving techniques. This sure did not look like one of them.</p><p>“Oh, hey. Could you help? Please?” Virgil tried to go back to breathing steadily. It was difficult to do so without counting out loud. His back was sore, and his chest hurt from crying.</p><p>“Oh no,” Logan dropped the paper bags of food, a lemon rolled across the floor, “Did you get stuck?” He leaned down and gently pushed Virgil’s feet off his shoulders. Up close, he could see red blotched eyes and cheeks damp from tears. This certainly was not the sight he expected to see when he got back. When he left, Virgil had just casted on a row of light blue alpaca yarn. Now the knitting needles were askew on the bed, long forgotten.</p><p>Virgil nodded his head in response. He felt like he had been stuck there for a little less than an hour, but the clock disagreed, it had only been 30 minutes. He faced Logan head on, lips curling into a tight smile.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Virgil wasn’t quite sure what he was apologizing for. Maybe for asking Logan for help, or maybe putting his body through that.<br/>
“Hey, no apologies when you have nothing to apologize for. What were you trying to do anyway?”<br/>
“Emile gave me this book, he said it might help.” He handed the leather bound book to Logan. Logan gently grabbed it from his hands and glanced at its contents. After setting the book down on the shelf to the right of the room, he went to stand in front of Virgil.<br/>
“Speaking of Emile, Remy asked us to have dinner with them later.”<br/>
Virgil pushed himself off the ground, taking a step back. His brother’s boyfriend has never asked for the two to have dinner with them. Virgil went to grab his phone on his night stand.<br/>
It was not there.<br/>
He turned to look at Logan with panicked eyes. Gasping out nonsense and waving his arms around in exasperation.<br/>
“Oh, I plugged in your phone on my loft desk before I left. You should be more careful with where you leave it.”<br/>
Virgil frantically nodded his head in agreement and made grabbing hands towards the desk. Worried about what Logan had seen on his lock screen when he plugged it in. He knew Logan was not one to invade privacy but anyone could be curious about a notification on Virgil’s phone. </p><p>————<br/>
3:40 pm<br/>
Fri, November 18</p><p>(9 notifications)<br/>
3 missed calls ‘Remy ☕️😎🛏’<br/>
1 Voicemail ‘Remy ☕️😎🛏’<br/>
2 texts ‘Princy 📽🥀’<br/>
2:58 “La tua tristezza ha bisogno dell'amore”<br/>
1 text ‘Doggie Lover🥰🐶’<br/>
“Logan told me about the dinner, I want pictures! 💖”<br/>
4 Amino Notifications </p><p>————</p><p>Virgil softly exhaled in relief before fixing his face to a smile and turning back to Logan. He was now on the love seat in the left corner of the room. Looking at Virgil expectantly, with a notepad for his German culture class placed in his lap.</p><p>“What time did Remy say? About dinner?”<br/>
“6 o’clock. I figure we should leave at 5:15 if we want to make it on time. Did he not call you?”<br/>
“Uhm, he did. I just didn’t hear the ringer, I guess.”</p><p>Virgil went to sit between Logan’s legs on the floor with his knitting project in hand. Logan picked up his pen and continued writing. Slowly, bringing his right hand down to run through Virgil’s purple locks. </p><p>If their friends had seen this session between the college boys they would have been proud. Confused, because they were not dating no matter how much they had all pushed for it, but still proud. It was normal for Virgil and Logan to cuddle or have intimate moments. Just not with friends around. It was a little secret between the two that they felt was not worth sharing.<br/>
When 5:11 rolled around, Virgil looked up from his project to the clock. Standing up, he grabbed his phone and both of the boys puffy jackets, shoving his own on and giving the other to his friend. Logan grabbed the keys to their dorm and his car. He turned off the lights, and closed the door behind them both.<br/>
As they made their way through campus, Virgil looked at the huge piles of snow they had to walk through. He grabbed Logan’s wrist to slow him down.<br/>
“Lo, wait.”<br/>
“What Virg? We are going to be late.”<br/>
“Yeah, I know. Just look at the forecast for later tonight.” He held his phone in front of Logan’s face. It showed 16° Fahrenheit for 6:00pm and 100% chance of snow. Possibly going to add on to the foot of snow already crunching underneath their feet.<br/>
“Well we definitely should get going then.”</p><p>About 20 minutes into the 45 minute journey, Virgil turned off the musical playlist. Turning to Logan, he licked his lips in preparation to speak.<br/>
“Logan, there is at least 3 more inches of snow already. I don’t know if we will be able to make it back later. We should turn back, and ask about another night.”<br/>
“No. Remy said tonight was very important, it’s their 3rd anniversary of dating. We need to go, I’m sure we can ask for hospitality for the night.”<br/>
“Logan, please. I know what day it is. I’m just worried that it will be dangerous to keep driving. The windshield wipers are on high and this car is only front wheel drive.”<br/>
“Virgil, we are not turning around.”<br/>
“Why not Logan? What if we get into a car crash? What if we can’t make it back?” Virgil’s voice was accusing. Trying to pry a secret out of Logan.<br/>
“I already told you that your brother will be more than happy to let us stay the night there. We are not going to get into a car crash, the snow is too thick. We can just drive back tomorrow morning. Now stop arguing, please, Virg.”<br/>
“I don’t have my clothes there and they only have a pull out couch bed to sleep on! Why can’t they just celebrate their anniversary together? Why do we need to be there?”<br/>
“Because Remy is asking for your permission to propose to Emile tonight!” Logan yelled.<br/>
“He’s what?”<br/>
“I’m sorry I got so angry. He told me not to tell you, but I hate keeping secrets from you.”<br/>
“He wants to propose?” Virgil whispered to himself, a bright smile spreading on his face, “Well hurry up then!”</p><p>——-</p><p>At 6:03pm, Logan pulled up to Emile and Remy’s apartment complex. A bright white building blending into the surrounding winter scenery. When he looked to see his friend to announce their arrival, Virgil was fast asleep. Drool was collecting on his puffy coat and his face was pressed against the passenger door window.</p><p>Logan whispered his next words in the silence of the parked car, “Ich machte mir Sorgen, dass meine Liebe zur nur eine Phase war. Ich hoffe jetzt, dass es nie verlässt.” He gently poked his companion in the shoulder, hoping for him to wake up. A slight stir and a soft voiced chain of mumbles responded. “Virg, we have arrived. We are already late.” Virgil hummed, raising his hands to rub at his eyes. Realization hit him like lightning, a sudden burst of energy overcame him as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. With Logan in tow, Virgil made his way into the building, requesting entry with a smile. Logan stood in admiration at the normally doubtful boy who was bouncing with anticipation.<br/>
After making their way up the 5 flights of stairs, Virgil taking two at a time and Logan trying to catch his breath, they finally made it to the apartment. Remy, in his usual attire, seemed to have been standing behind the door because it swung open before either had the chance to knock. He looked back and forth between Logan and Virgil before he spoke, “I see that you told him, Hun. It’s okay though, he seems to be down with the idea. Come on in,” he opened the door just wide enough for the two to slip in. </p><p>Emile Picani stood in the kitchen stirring a pan of teriyaki chicken. Slowly swaying back and forth to a song quietly playing out of his headphones. A large open cardigan rolled past his hips to rest just above his knees. Remy strolled over to where his future fiancé was standing and wrapped his arms around him nudging the headphones off of Emile’s ears.<br/>
“They’re here, baby.” Remy motioned to the two college boys standing in the living room attachment chatting quietly.<br/>
“Virgil! Logan! I’m so glad you made it. I heard the weather was only getting worse. I set out some blankets and pillows on the couch for you to use later.”<br/>
“Hey Emile, I missed you,” Virgil smiled.<br/>
“I missed you too! Come here and give your big bro a hug!” Emile made grabby hands towards Virgil for a hug.<br/>
Logan guessed the trait ran in the family. The two brothers stood embracing for a minute before Remy grabbed hold of Virgil’s arm to drag him to the bed room. Both Emile and Logan looked at each other then back at the pair as they entered the bedroom.<br/>
“What exactly did Lo Lo tell you?” Remy sounded nervous, something not at all common for the confident man.<br/>
“He said you were planning to propose tonight and ask my permission.”<br/>
“He didn’t say anything else?”<br/>
“No?”<br/>
“Ok, good. I wanted to ask for your blessing and promise you a few things.”<br/>
“Is everything okay? You aren’t usually heartfelt.”<br/>
“Hun, this is more than just speaking from the heart... I know that Emile raised you, and I’m not asking to be on the same level as him in your life, but I hope to become someone you can talk to and trust. I want to be someone you look up to, be the person you call at three in the morning because you’re stuck somewhere. I want to be a guardian angel for you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to say yes to any of this. I know your parents weren’t around and it’s hard for you to trust people in your life. But I promise to never leave you or Emile. I promise to protect and care for you as best as I am able. I promise to love and cherish your brother until the end of my days. I want your blessing for the proposal but also for you to accept me into your life.” Remy took a deep breath, pushing his bangs out of his eyes that had stuck from the new found tears. He stared at the floor, waiting for a response.<br/>
“I- I want you in my life and I think you are wonderful for my brother. Thank you for making him so happy, no one else has had that gift. Thank you for knowing how much he means to me too,” Virgil walked forward intel he was in the arms of Remy. The two stood crying into each other’s shoulder.<br/>
When the tears started to die down, Remy reached into his zip up coat pocket.<br/>
“Do you want to see the ring?”<br/>
“Yes!”</p><p>Still standing in the kitchen after checking the rice cooker, Emile started to walk towards the bedroom door to announce that dinner was ready. Logan, knowing what was going on in the bedroom, stopped him from walking forward by standing directly in his way.<br/>
“Logan? Is everything okay?”<br/>
“Yes, please let me tell them instead.”<br/>
“Alright,” Emile shrugged. Taking a step back to go set up the 4 person dining room table.<br/>
As Logan approached the bedroom door, he could hear Virgil awning, at what he assumed was the ring.<br/>
He knocked, 3 times like always. Remy opened the door, peeking his head out. When he caught sight of Logan, he sighed.<br/>
“Oh good, it’s just you, hun.”<br/>
“Yes, it is only me. Emile wanted you two to know that dinner is ready,” he peered into the room behind Remy to look at Virgil.<br/>
“Alright Log, we’re coming,” Virgil replied, winking at his best friend before pushing Remy out of the way to leave the room.</p><p>After the meal was served, Remy took a deep breath, slowly turning in his chair to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. Virgil was squirming, looking back and forth between the couple in anticipation.<br/>
“Emile, I grew up in foster care, ran around with the wrong crowd. I met guys that would break my heart and I thought that’s what I deserved. When you let me stay with you and Virgil, I couldn’t understand why. But you told me that life was difficult and our mistakes will build our futures as much as they hurt the past. So maybe this is one of those times, but I am never going to apologize for it.”<br/>
“Remy, I can’t.”<br/>
“I talked to Virgil, this is my commitment to both of you. I want to be in your life as much as his. Maybe we should start with a ring, get ourselves a cat, a new place to live. All I know is that I want to be the man who gets to marry you. So Emile, I know I’m not perfect but you surely are. Will you marry me?”<br/>
“I,” Emile looks at Virgil for reassurance, as Virgil nods his head in confirmation, “I would love to.”<br/>
Applause rang out from Logan and Virgil as the two fiancés kissed, laughing as Remy had his face peppered in kisses.<br/>
“You knew about this didn’t you?” Emile asked, Virgil just smiled and turned to Logan.<br/>
“I appreciate that you tried to keep it a secret but I’d rather live in this moment here with everyone than be just as surprised as Emile.”</p><p>After the dishes are cleared and they finish the evening with a board game, Emile grabs some extra blankets from the storage closet to use to make the pull out couch into a bed as the boys chat about school.<br/>
“I hate to interrupt, but I laid some sheets on the pull out bed but I can set up a spot on the floor if you aren’t comfortable sharing,” Emile smiled.<br/>
“We should be okay, thanks.” Virgil had told his brother about the way the college kids acted when alone. He knew better than to keep it from the therapist.<br/>
“Yes, thank you for the hospitality,” Logan replied as he pulled back the cover, “I am going to read a bit,” he nods at Virgil, then at the new fiance, “have a good night Emile.”<br/>
As Emile leaves the living room, Virgil gets up to go brush his teeth in the bathroom. Emile always left a toothbrush in the pot by the sink after Virgil started showing up randomly and needing to spend the night. Life would get too overwhelming, and Logan was an amazing friend, he had bent over backwards to make sure Virgil got everything he needed, and sometimes it all became too great to be reasonable. He would feel guilty, not being able to be there when Logan needed it, because Logan was there for him instead. When he exits the bathroom, into the dimly lit living room, he stops to look at his friend propped up on the makeshift bed. Logan looks content and Virgil would hate to ruin it, but his anxiety tired him today after the incident and he needed to sleep.<br/>
Logan turns off his phone as Virgil climbs into bed, opening his arms for the boy to lay in. It’s times like these where Logan feels selfish, that he's taking advantage of the man he’s in love with.<br/>
“Es tut mir Leid,” he whispers into Virgil’s head.<br/>
“Huh, what does that mean? You say it a lot,” Virgil cranes his head to attempt to look at Logan.<br/>
“It’s nothing special, just ‘relax’.” He hates to lie.<br/>
“If you say so.”<br/>
As they lie in the now dark room, the snowstorm continues outside the apartment. It covers the streets in white.</p><p>♡♡♡♡</p><p>“It’s movie night!” Patron practically breaks down the door, hands full of snacks with Roman, Remy, and Emile in tow. Virgil is sitting on his bed, casting off a row of stitches, eyes slowly rising to look at the door.<br/>
“Hey babes, where’s the smart one?” Remy had let himself into the dorm and straight to the tv on the desk, grabbing the remote and turning it on.<br/>
“He went to go get m-“ Virgil stopped, if he told them that Logan had left to get Virgil’s antidepressants then the others would know they attended therapy appointments together and that Logan was Virgil’s emergency contact. Emile didn’t know about that part, “-e a poster board for my ancient civilizations class.”<br/>
“Oh how kind, I do like that boy,” Emile smiled.<br/>
Patton put the drinks in the mini fridge while Roman placed the blanket in front of the tv for them to all sit on.<br/>
“Does this work? I know I forgot the normal sheet, but I figured we could just use this one.”<br/>
“Logan can’t sit on the floor, just pull the loveseat over.” Virgil took a second to realize what he just said, his brother and fiancé were too distracted to notice, but he could feel both Patton and Roman’s eyes on him.<br/>
“His back has been hurting,” Patton slowly nodded and turned away. Roman just smirked.<br/>
When Logan opened the door, he nearly panicked seeing other people besides Virgil in their home. When he looked at the display however, his confusion subsided. Roman’s parents had been remodeling Roman’s new place as a birthday gift and Patton was staying with his moms who had a foster dog that was afraid of people. So both normal movie night locations were taken. He wished for a heads up however, Virgil and him were playing on yoga tonight.<br/>
“The gangs all here!” Shouted Emile as he pressed play. Logan looked at Virgil who sat on the floor next to the love seat, watching Logan set down his bag and head over to sit down.<br/>
“This is my favorite part,” whispered Patton.<br/>
“You say that about everything, hun,” Remy chuckled.<br/>
Logan looked down at Virgil who seemed to be waiting for head pats, and placed his hand on Virgil’s hair, stroking lightly.<br/>
“I think we should go out to eat after the movie,” Roman announced, he turned to look at the boys in the corner, “maybe we could have a gang sleepover?”<br/>
“I-, I have homework and there isn’t enough space for all of you,” Logan sighed. Virgil tends to get nightmares during the night, and needs to sleep in Logan’s bed to calm down.<br/>
“Nonsense, we can just share! Me and Remy take Virgil’s bed, you and Virgil get yours, and the boys can just blow up the air mattress I left here,” Emile laid back on Remy, seeming content with the idea.<br/>
Logan looked at Virgil to see how he felt about that, Virgil was already smiling at him by the time he looked down. If Virgil was okay with that, then everything would be fine. </p><p>When the movie ended, Roman and Virgil played Rock Paper Scissors to see who got to choose the restaurant.<br/>
“Hey! Two out of three!”<br/>
“You’re just upset that I beat you,” Virgil smiled.<br/>
When Virgil won the game he opted for the tiny italian restaurant near campus. Roman used to have a crush on one of the waiters there, and everyone was convinced that he took Italian just to have a good conversation piece with the man. Roman begged for Virgil to change his mind, he was wearing his pajamas. Roman was thankful it wasn’t his pajama onesie, but still pleaded for Logan to let him borrow some clothes.<br/>
“Nothing I have would fit you, you’d half to cuff the pants and sleeves.”<br/>
“I’ll take it.”<br/>
Once Roman was dressed in Logan’s clothes, everyone headed to the restaurant. When they got inside, Remy asked for the famous “Leonardo” as Roman hid behind Virgil, holding on to the man’s sweater like a child. When they got to sit down in their booth, the others pushed Roman to be on the side facing outwards.<br/>
“Hello, how are you all today?” Leonardo winked at Roman as the other became a blushing mess, everyone was making it more awkward then it needed to be. The menus had been memorized by Logan and Virgil from the countless times they had eaten at the restaurant. Remy and Emile however were blown away by the variety of pastas, wines, and pizza. They were the only ones over the drinking age, and Remy loved to flaunt it, deciding on ordering the taste tester set.<br/>
“We’d like an order of tortellini, chicken parmesan, meatless lasagna, manicotti,” Logan looked at the fiancés, “the wine taste tester, minestrone soup, and the cheese stuffed ravioli.”<br/>
Leonardo checked Remy and Emile’s I.D.s.“Alrighty, what about drinks for you guys?”<br/>
Patton got chocolate milk, Roman a Shirley temple, Virgil a sprite, and Logan a Diet Pepsi.<br/>
“Wow, that is quite a manly drink, Roman,” Leonardo left the table with a smirk.<br/>
Patton and Emile pulled out their custom Disney Uno packs and split it up among the friends. The time had reached 10:40 pm and both Virgil and Remy were in their element at such a late hour.<br/>
“Uno! I really am incredible at these games,” Remy wiped the invisible dust off his sleeves and adjusted his sunglasses. When the food arrived, the boys were all playing truth or dare at the Uno winners request.<br/>
“Roman, truth or dare?”<br/>
“Dare, but please don’t make me do anything crazy.”<br/>
“Write your number on a napkin for Leonardo to find,” Logan may have been stuck in his own friendzone, but Roman surely wasn’t. Patton brought his hand up to his face to hide his snarl, the fiancés just smiled in amusement at Logan, and Virgil had never witnessed Logan so adorable and confident, and he knew that everything suddenly wasn’t so friendly anymore.<br/>
“Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom,” he waited for Remy and Emile to get out of the booth, then tapped Emile’s shoe. It was a secret way of telling Emile that he needed to talk, without saying anything.<br/>
“I do too! Rem, grab my wallet out of my coat. I think it’s time we head back to the dorm.”</p><p>Virgil grabbed his brother's wrist and dragged him out the door. Breathing erratically with tears in his eyes.<br/>
“Virgil, everyone is okay, you are okay. We are at De Luca’s, the boys are paying then we can go back to your dorm.”<br/>
“I’m in love with him.”<br/>
“Oh honey,” Emile grabbed his brother in a gentle embrace. Virgil’s tears were mixing with snot as the sobbing had gotten louder. They stood in the wind, the leaves swaying back and forth. Nothing else needed to be said.<br/>
Inside, Logan, Roman, Patton, and Remy were cheering on Roman as he wrote barely readable digits on a cup napkin. When he finished, he pushed it away and hid his head in his hands.<br/>
“You have to sign your name!” Patton was trying to jump up and down in his seat, this is how friends act.<br/>
“Patton, please calm down,” Logan adjusted his glasses and grabbed the napkin away from Roman, signing Roman’s name.<br/>
“I can’t listen to this, hun. Your love life is like Starbucks without a pumpkin spiced latte in the fall,” Remy reached up towards his ears to adjust his hearing aids, teasing Roman to make a show of wanting to turn them off.</p><p>Back at the dorm, Virgil was unbelievably quiet, even for him. Remy was helping Emile blow up the air mattress, as Roman and Patton were laughing at memes. Logan was looking everywhere for extra sheets, hidden in the cremises of Virgil’s drawers, stuffed in the corner by the tv, in the shared dresser. It took a man at each corner of the air mattress to fit the sheet, especially after Remy and Patton made it a tug-of-war competition. After Emile declared that Patton laying on the sheet was cheating, Remy won.<br/>
“I really am the queen today, peasants,” Remy laughed.<br/>
“First Uno, now this! Your ego is going to kill us all!” Emile laughed, kissing his fiance.<br/>
“Please refrain from the PDA in the dorm,” said Logan, smiling at the two. A tinge of jealousy was pulling on his heart strings. Oh how he wanted that with Virgil.<br/>
Remy took out his black nail polish, painting his, Roman’s, and Patton’s nails with ease. The boys laughed, sharing stories as Emile did Disney princess impressions. Virgil stayed where he had been since the arrival at the dorm, huddled in a corner, up in Logan’s bed. The sheets were laid on top, as he stroked the faux fur blanket. Everything smelled like Logan. An oak, new book, citrus scent, a previous comfort had now become the source of his pain. He knew that curled up here, they couldn’t see him cry. The gentle wave of tears matched his shuddering breath. When he closed his eyes, he could see Logan cuddling with him and his reassuring words being pressed into Virgil’s hair.<br/>
“Bedtime boys,” Emile smiled down below, “Virgil, do you want to share a bed?”<br/>
Virgil looked down at his phone, texting ‘no i don't want him to think something is wrong’.<br/>
“Alrighty then, everyone, please go to the bathroom. I will be turning the lights off in five minutes!”<br/>
“Okay, Dad.” A round of chuckles came from Logan’s comment. Virgil wiped the snot and tears on his pajamas breathing slowly, in and out. He climbed down the loft ladder, going to brush his teeth. </p><p>Patton and Roman started a pillow fight on their bed, evidently a pillow sheet ripped, and after a lecture from Logan, everyone had settled down. The two fiances were snuggled up on Virgil’s bed, Emile had taken to twisting his ring when he was nervous. Remy took note, turning back on his hearing aids, and adjusting the frequency. He always tended to be loud at night, and no one needed to hear this conversation.<br/>
“What’s going on with him, Em?” Remy smiled, reaching over to caress Emile’s cheek.<br/>
“Virgil realized he was in love, he's scared to get heartbroken again. I promised him that Logan is nothing like Remus, but you know Virgil. He gets in his own head, and once he's convinced himself of a lie,” Emile trailed off.<br/>
“There's no saying otherwise,” Remy finished for him. Eyes droopy with sleep, slowly shaking his head. Emile steadily reached down to take Remy’s hand, pressing their foreheads together. Lightly pressing kisses to the others face.<br/>
Logan closes his laptop, turning off his desk lamp and going to climb up the ladder. Virgil should already be asleep, tired from this morning’s panic attack. When he reaches the top however, Virgil is on his phone turned away from Logan. The light from his screen creates a shadow overcasting his body. Virgil stiffens as Logan buries himself into the blankets, and takes his glasses off to place in the loft basket. He turns off his phone, takes one breath, and turns to face Logan. Logan is already watching Virgil, and lifts his arm for Virgil to slide under. It’s a habit like routine, Logan opening his arms to hold the other close. He’s too tired now to register the next thing he does however, because after Virgil is wrapped up in his limbs, he gives the other a kiss on the ear and mumbles, “Goodnight, my love.”<br/>
Virgil, head against Logan’s chest, pushes Logan off of him. Terrified that Logan knows and is making fun of him, in no way does his best friend have a crush on him. That’s the type of thing that happens in movies and fan fiction, not his messed up, brother is his guardian, anxiety filled life.<br/>
He’s had this very thing happen in his sophomore year of high school. He had trusted Patton’s ex-boyfriend, Janus, to keep his more-than-a-school-girl-crush on their “mutual” senior friend, Remus, a secret. They were playing truth or dare at a sleepover, and Janus had swore up and down to not tell anybody. Patton later reported that in the car ride home, Janus was laughing and staring at his phone. Both of them should of seen that as a red flag. The next day, Remus had asked to come over to Virgil’s. He told Virgil he loved him and stole Virgil’s first kiss. The next day, a video of Virgil being needy and Virgil’s side of the story without the context of the situation had been shown all over the school. When he confronted Remus, the senior had told Virgil it was just a joke, and he had not deserved love anyway. Janus' side of the story confirmed the suspension on who told, and Patton had ended their relationship, then and there.<br/>
Emile must not have realized what Virgil had said earlier was a secret, leading to Logan acting this way now. He climbed over Logan to get down the ladder, making sure he was asleep before tiptoeing over to the air mattress. Patton was turned over on the bed, lightly snoring.<br/>
“Patton, please wake up,” Virgil said, as he tapped his friend’s shoulder. Patton groaned.<br/>
“Patton, please…”<br/>
“Hm?”<br/>
“Can I stay here? On the floor by you?”<br/>
“No, take the bed. I’ll lay on the floor.”<br/>
“What’s going on?” Yawned Roman, trying to peer through the dark with blurry vision.<br/>
“Virgil figured it out, he asked to sleep on the floor next to me,” explained Patton.<br/>
“Oh, just crawl in here, there’s enough space.”<br/>
Roman turned to lay on his back, as Virgil climbed into the makeshift bed.<br/>
“What did he say?” Asked Patton, in a quiet whisper, attempting to respect Roman’s sleep as he had now turned over to hold on to Patton.<br/>
“He was asleep,” Virgil sighed.<br/>
“It still matters.”<br/>
“He kissed my ear and told me goodnight.”<br/>
“And..?”<br/>
“He called me his love,” Virgil’s face was hot, and he knew that Patton couldn’t see without his glasses, but Patton knew him well enough to hear in his voice the reaction on his face.<br/>
“Aww!” Patton squealed.<br/>
“Shut up, girlies. It’s too early for that,” exclaimed Remy from Virgil’s bed.<br/>
“Kiddo, that’s cute and all, but did that make you uncomfortable? Because if so I’ll talk to him about boundaries.”<br/>
“No.” Virgil replied, no it didn’t make him uncomfortable, but it did make him feel scared and vulnerable. He’s been through the pain of being taken advantage of. Although a large part of him was aching to go lay in Logan’s arms, he had to remember what happened with Remus.<br/>
“Hey, look at me,” Patton lightly tapped Virgil’s cheek, “he’s not Remus, and no one will say anything to him.”<br/>
Virgil nodded, “I think I’ll go back to bed, thank you.”<br/>
He tripped over both the chair and his yarn pile from earlier while wandering through the dark. The ladder didn’t make climbing into the loft any easier, he slipped and accidentally woke up Logan. So instead of forgetting everything and falling asleep to his friends light snoring, he had to talk to him.<br/>
“Is everything alright?” Logan lifts his hand to run his fingers through Virgil’s hair. He’s not wearing glasses, but he can sense the distress radiating off of Virgil from all the 2am nightmares. It would make things so much easier for Virgil if he hadn’t let everything come to this point.<br/>
“Go back to sleep we can talk in the morning,” whatever Virgil said had set off Logan. He sat up, grabbed his glasses and glared. Knocking of his little notebook and pen in the process. Leaning forward he whispered, “Absolutely not, get up. We’re going to go talk in the hall.”<br/>
“Are you insane? It’s…” he paused to turn on Logan's phone, “4:17am!”<br/>
“Something is bothering you.” It was a fact more than an observation and when he reached to grab Virgil’s hand, the other flinched away. Just like that his concern melted and hurt was a deep pain in his chest. Maybe it was better they just went back to sleep without talking at all. So, he turned over. Of course Virgil wouldn’t want to talk to him, he had other friends in the room. He didn’t need Logan to pick up the pieces of whatever made him quiet that afternoon. Tears welled up, stinging his eyes. He grabbed the glasses, closing them as they became wet. He curled up, glasses in hand, and sobed. It took all his breath, his lungs becoming heavy as he gasps. The tears pool on the pillow. Logan is sensitive at night, but Virgil didn’t realize it could get this bad. He has never once heard or seen Logan cry, only the aftermath of red rimmed eyes and bundled up tissues. No matter how many appointments or panic attacks, he was always the strong one. Keeping things together, keeping Virgil as one piece. No matter how much he fought and screamed.<br/>
“I would never have made it this far without you, I would have been another wash up, low life who leaves their children for selfish pleasure. Emile wouldn't be happy and have his own life.Because even though he won't admit it, I would have always been put first. He had to fulfill the role of two parents, without the strength to be even one. Patton would be with one of those boys who kept him around to take advantage. He wouldn't have a chance at a job, let alone school. His moms wouldn't have been able to afford another life without you helping him with scholarships. And remy, heh, he told you before anyone about the engagement. He trusted you, saw you as much of the family as I am to him. We all do. See you, I mean. I told Emile something tonight that scares me, because speaking out loud made everything real. I love you. I love you so much it hurts, I am in what seems like a constant state of pain from your beauty. Your kindness shakes me to my core. Did you know that not once in my life have I felt so cared for? And no, I don't care about your microbiology or german folklore but when you speak, it's captivating. I don't get to pay attention to the facts. All I see is how your mouth forms the words, how your eyes crinkle, and if you shake your shoulders when you give a real laugh. It's scary just how much I love you. I thought that i've felt this before, but this? No where near Remus. Because I got over him but I could never imagine getting over you. I know this is a lot, but you’ve stayed this long. I guess I always hoped it was for something besides friendship.”<br/>
Logan didn’t move, so Virgil just sat watching the others back rise and fall to his breathing. He laid back down to look at the little glow in the dark stars that were starting to peel from the ceiling. He’d seen the stars before, after many nights of falling asleep in Logan’s bed. Upon further investigation however, it seemed that they were bent on the edges because someone had been peeling them off and then placing them back. So he pulled one off the ceiling and that’s what made Logan freeze. “Virgil has trouble with Chemistry, keep your old textbooks,” read Virgil. Reading off the star’s sticky side. He grabbed another, “His favorite restaurant is the De Luca’s down the street, get him take out when he’s upset.” That would explain his midterm meals. Virgil couldn’t believe what he was reading. So he peeled one more off. It looked less messed with than the others. “Ich liebe dich, Virgil.” He looked over to Logan, it was German. Not at all surprising, but he didn’t know what it meant.<br/>
“It means ’I love you’,” said Logan pushing himself up to sit beside the starstruck boy. He reaches up to grab the one above Virgil. He gently flips over Virgil’s left hand to place the star into his palm.<br/>
‘Let him make the first move, but choose the first date.’<br/>
“When?” Virgil gaped.<br/>
“Since sophomore year of high school. Of course at that time you were friends with Remus, but you were in my third period precalculus, and sixth period art. I was just attracted to your looks at first, then it was your artwork. Then it was how you chewed on your lip while taking a test. It was April 26th when I knew that I had ‘fallen for you’. We all knew that Mrs. Park was inappropriate around male students. She was trying to lean on Patton which got you agitated, and you yelled at her. I’m sitting at the opposite side of the room staring at you, like everyone else, but I felt admiration. That’s when I figured it out. You were always more than a pretty face,” he takes a long breath, “The star in your left hand is the first I wrote on. I wanted a way to hide what I felt from my parents. Yet, they saw us together the first time you came over and just knew. When we moved into the dorms I brought all the stars along, and an extra packet. There are so many things about you I wanted to write down, that I ran out in the first month,” he sighed again, “Es tut mir Leid, means, ‘I am sorry’. I felt like I was always taking advantage of you. You weren’t ready for a relationship, and I thought I could deal with that. I could, until we did things like hold hands and you were crawling into my bed when you had a nightmare. So, I apologize I didn’t do anything sooner.”<br/>
Virgil’s eyes sparkle,“We will just have to make up for lost time.”<br/>
He puts the star down and gently slides his hand over Logan’s. He brushes his hand through Logan’s hair for the first time and plants a kiss on the man’s forehead. Logan reaches up to cup Virgil’s cheeks and kisses him. Nice, short, and soft, they'll have the rest of their lives together, now it’s time to sleep.<br/>
There was shuffling heard from Virgil’s bed, “Oh my gosh, finally!!” Yelled Remy, followed by, “yeah”s and “Took you this long.”<br/>
“You heard all that?” Asks Virgil, staring down to look at his brother.<br/>
“You guys don’t exactly whisper,” replies Roman. He smiles at Patton, who looks up at the loft and says, “I’m glad you’re happy kiddo.”<br/>
“Let’s celebrate in the morning, I’m tired babes,” yawns Remy. Emile tells everyone to get some shut eye and congratulates the two college boys.<br/>
Roman turns to hold Patton closer on the air mattress. They have their own dark corner by the tv because both beds are raised, Virgil’s only on small stilts but it creates a boundary all the same. He gives Patton a kiss on the ear and whispers, “We should tell them about us, I know you don’t like how they act around Leonardo. That could all stop.”<br/>
“Maybe some other time, right now we need to be there for them. We’ve been together eight months, and you haven’t even told your mother.”<br/>
“I’m getting there!”</p>
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